‘Honey, I’m home”, I arrive at the ranch after “negotiating” all day long. If there’s anything I hate, it’s negotiations in which someone is trying to fuck the other side. How many times I must tell you that it does not work that way, you just screw yourself, no one else. But most people live in the belief that in this world there is not enough everything for everyone. If so, if they don’t make an effort, not seize and take, or better to say, grab away from someone, it won’t be enough for them. It’s a sad world when those kinds of thoughts dominate our head. And look around…

We live in a world of everything, the world in which sad people live. The good thing is that I, all by myself, and you all by yourself – create your own world. We create our own worlds. We know, and I  know where I live, but I don’t get the ”real” world too seriously. In the matrix, you will never achieve happiness or even satisfaction. You will never get everything you want, and If you somehow do get it, you will be begging for more and more. In the matrix, there are few sentences always on repeat button, like: ” this is the worst time ever”, ” this is the end”, “the world is gone to hell”, ”there was never worse” and ”next year will be even worse”… Ever since I can remember, I listen to the same doomsdayneverbeenworse prophecy.

Step back a bit, and just listen.

For example, twenty years back, when I first entered the newsroom, in that time super cool teen magazine, the editor was talking about how there has never been a worse time for the newspapers! And, of course, for the journalists. Same statements for all these years, first under the regime, under embargo, under bombing, then under the transition, under false democracy, under the recession, and now, all “these digital media are destroying us” …

It’s always something that prevents us from blooming.
The same goes for the publishing and art circles – everywhere you turn, doomsday is coming.
I mean, it is there. Here.

Except in my world …

For me, every end is a new beginning. Literally when one door closes, another – hop! – graciously it happens, another door is opening. When a nice guy from the previous article, that guy, you remember, that only wanted to have sex with me, just catapulted himself with his own words, after we have properly mourned him … barely for 48 hours. That week, the same week – someone else appeared … out of the thin air.

– And why I just don’t forgive him, everybody is making mistakes sometimes – while I was sitting with a friend listening to her bitching my story. She plays with me with a guilt trip. It’s not so hard, when I’m such a New Age moron – and I think that I’m responsible for everything. I’m going to rummage through my head, questioning where I was wrong in this or in some of my past lives. Every single hour every hour I need to reset my brain because I mix the old and new programs, old and new beliefs, the person that I once was and who I am right now in this present moment. When he appeared in front of me, the guy with the beautiful eyebrows and the exotic origin determined to take advantage of the opportunity at the place (an interesting place called “The Soup”) where we both found accidentally but synchronized – for the very first time. It turns out, now it gets weird, strange and beautiful,  that the video I have watched a few days ago thinking “that director or that video, that is a guy for me, he would be just a perfect match… for me”. And, you may guess – it was him. It’s his artwork, his video.

What are the chances for things like that happen?
Except when it needs to happen.

Since then, we are practically living together. Sort of. In fact, my tolerance threshold of another person in my area is maximum of four days, after that, I need a day or two to be alone, ’cause from all things in this beautiful world – I honestly and truthfully adore to sleep – alone.
By myself. Yes, to sleep alone, by myself, in bed.

And after that, I again can be friend with that person.
And share the love and happiness. One interesting feature of this relationship is that it’s quite red meat and sex free. The iconic Elle editor in chief and very French woman Sophie Fontanel wrote a book The Art of Sleeping Alone or Why do I suddenly gave up from sex – despite having it all – a glamorous job, plenty of dates and boyfriends, stylish clothes, and of course endless parties to attend – she still wasn’t happy and found herself wanting more. When she finally announced that she giving up from sex, people around her were shocked. But what she discovered about herself was liberating, but at the same time discouraging. She asked herself in what kind of world of expectations, social norms, and prejudices we live. It’s not about the world, it’s about us. The world is not sad, we are. We see others as a reflection, a mirror of our own souls. Happiness produces happiness, joy seeking for the other joy, and constantly follow each other.

Like a reflection of the mirror, you can’t escape from yourself.

And then I constantly listen that today’s generations are spoiled, ruined because they don’t have a choice. Ahem, what, say that again, please, we don’t have a choice? Hah, the choice is the only thing what we have in this world, what we can always count and the only thing we really need. We are the sum of our choices. Definition of a lunatic is the one doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, right? Einstein said.

Anyway, let’s get back to the story of my beautiful, exotic friend.
So, I invited him to the Cuddle Club, and its first rule is to not talk to anyone about the club.

Oh no, it’s fight club?

Anyway, cuddle clubs really exist, people found by themselves and researchers have confirmed that we need touch and hugs in order to function as normal people and get some progress.

If there is no contact, we die. Babies and children are non-stop touched, and that’s because their energy is so clean and fresh, and they are the ball of unconditional love that is like to share so easily with us. But also because they need to get to know this world and stay connected with it, touching it. After all, our eyes are sometimes the limiting factor, like the brain and his old, same shitty patterns. I read it somewhere, that people are dying just because they get tired of being constantly spinning the same thoughts in their heads over and over again. In our currently oversexualized society, this may seem shocking, but it’s also a matter of conscious choice. Mine. His. Ours. It is true, in the beginning, it’s strange, but also liberating.

But the main question for all of us – is:
Are you living your choice?

Yeah, right now …
Is that your choice?

……….
photo credits Jelena Gradimir, Malaga Creative, 2017.